I totally respect your decision to unfollow me on Tumblr. It happens. Sometimes we start following people and then they don’t do the kinds of art you expected. Maybe you were a bot or something weird and you just gave up because I’m not a sucka. Maybe you just want me to pay more attention to you and this is a passive aggressive move you hope will pay off. (It won’t.)
Whatever your reason is, it’s fine.
What’s not fine is now when I visit my dashboard, I now have 68 followers thanks to you.
You have deprived me of the 11-year-old boy’s bliss of giggling at a stupid number every time I visit Tumblr. Gone are my days of immature chuckling, of the contentedness only numerical symmetry can bring someone with partial OCD, of hoping the joy of sexual innuendo would grace my life just a little while longer.
But no! Those dreams are dashed! Gone! Sure, you say, I can gain another follower to go back up, BUT WHO KNOWS WHEN THAT WILL HAPPEN. Followers are precious and not to be taken for granted, and I should know. I’m writing you this letter.
Would I be equally upset had I gained a follower to bump me up to 70? Maybe! Maybe not, because then I’d be one step closer to becoming INTERNET FAMOUS (tm) instead of one step back. It’s all just terribly unfortunate.
In closing, Person who Most Recently Stopped Following Me, I’m not mad, just incredibly disappointed that a little magic has gone from the world, perhaps never to return.